Through my reading journey on ‘Attachment Patterns,‘ I came across this sentence: ‘Attachment patterns are not fixed.’ I was like, ‘What?!’

This sentence will challenge many of your preconceived notions about these theories, but it’s important to understand what it means because, from my viewpoint, It gives us some good news.

Instead of suggesting that we are doomed if our early experiences were not entirely secure, it states: ‘You always have a chance for growth; you just need to work on yourself.’

In this post, I want to explain how we can change our attachment patterns. But, please keep in mind that everything depends on your persistence, patience, and effort.

So, I rephrase my point with a more precise sentence: ‘Through self-awareness, emotional work, and secure relationships, you can shift toward a more secure attachment style.’

Pay attention to the phrase ‘more secure attachment style.’ This concept is known as earned secure attachment, which refers to when someone who was once insecurely attached develops a more stable way of relating to others.

Before reading this text, you may need to take a look at two others.

How Attachment Persists into Adulthood

Steps to ‘Recovery’ after the End of a Loving Relationship

How Attachment Styles Can Change

1- Self-Awareness & Reflection

Understanding your attachment style is the first step. When you recognize patterns like fear of abandonment (anxious) or emotional distancing (avoidant), you can start questioning these automatic responses.

2- Therapy & Inner Work

Attachment-Based Therapy (ABT) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) help rewire attachment responses. Therapists can guide you in identifying attachment wounds and reshaping your relational patterns.

Journaling and self-reflection also help in processing past experiences that shaped your attachment style.

3- Mindfulness & Emotional Regulation

Practicing mindfulness allows you to observe your emotions without reacting impulsively. If you tend to cling or withdraw, mindfulness can help you stay present instead of acting on old fears.

Somatic healing (e.g., breathwork, yoga) can reprogram attachment responses stored in the body.

4- Experiencing Secure Relationships

Having relationships (romantic, friendships, or therapy) with securely attached people can help you learn new relational patterns.

If you’re anxiously attached, a secure partner can help you feel safe without excessive reassurance.

If you’re avoidantly attached, a secure partner can teach you how to trust and express emotions.

5- Rewiring the Brain Through Neuroplasticity

Neuroscientific research shows that the brain remains adaptable (neuroplasticity). With repeated new experiences (healthy relationships, emotional awareness), old attachment patterns can weaken, and new ones can form.