After watching the movie ‘Shall we dance?’, a few questions started to pop up. The character in the movie explains why marriage is important. She explains:
“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all the time, every day. You’re saying, ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.”
So, I try to answer the same questions I have asked about other topics—this time, about marriage. Not just a typical marriage, but a strong one.
1. Effective Communication
Openly expressing thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
Active listening without judgment.
Willingness to resolve conflicts rather than avoid them.
2. Mutual Respect
Valuing each other’s opinions, dreams, and choices.
Avoiding insults, belittling, or controlling behavior.
Treating each other as equals.
3. Trust & Honesty
Being truthful and transparent about feelings, finances, and future plans.
Keeping promises and being reliable.
Trusting your partner rather than being overly suspicious.
4. Emotional Support & Empathy
- Being there for each other in tough times.
- Understanding and acknowledging your partner’s emotions.
- Celebrating successes and providing comfort during failures.
5. Shared Values & Life Goals
Having similar beliefs about family, money, and personal growth.
Aligning on important life choices (e.g., children, career, lifestyle).
Respecting each other’s individuality while working toward common goals.
6. Commitment & Effort
Choosing to work through challenges rather than giving up.
Continuously putting effort into keeping love alive.
Understanding that love is not just a feeling but a daily choice.
7. Conflict Resolution Skills
Addressing issues with patience instead of anger.
Compromising and finding solutions together.
Apologizing when wrong and forgiving when necessary.
8. Healthy Physical & Emotional Intimacy
Showing affection through words and actions.
Being comfortable expressing needs and desires.
Maintaining emotional closeness and connection.
9. Independence & Personal Growth
Supporting each other’s individual dreams and passions.
Allowing space for personal growth without feeling threatened.
Understanding that a happy individual contributes to a happy marriage.
10. Sense of Humor & Fun
Laughing together and not taking everything too seriously.
Creating joyful experiences and memories.
Keeping the relationship fresh and exciting.
So:
A strong marriage is not about finding a perfect person but growing together, adapting, and choosing each other every day.
For more information you can check:
Psychological Theories – Such as John Gottman’s research on successful marriages, which emphasizes communication, trust, and conflict resolution.
Studies on Relationship Satisfaction – Research from psychology journals and relationship experts like Dr. Sue Johnson (Emotionally Focused Therapy) and Harville Hendrix (Imago Therapy).
6 comments On The Traits of a ‘Strong Marriage’
If you do not mind I want to write a list of new words that I encounter in each post to remind myself later and lure others’ attention to them. You know sometimes we are not seriously involved in a text we read.
un-witnessed
belittle: I think its meaning is near to underestimate
Example: Stop belittling yourself- you are so industrious.
resolution skills are active listening, empathy, emotional intelligence, etc.
Align: to agree with each other
Example: Aligning on important life choices (e.g., children, career, lifestyle).
(Your sentence)
Well done.
By the way, I think most of these strategies need to be applied in each relationship not specifically in marriage.
I don’t think you care about your other relationships as much as you do in marriage.
Yeah, that was my question, too after watching a movie.
How can a marriage be alive and strong in the long-run?
Your post categorizes the different aspects of a strong marriage.
I was thinking about a game in which you face a couple that needs help and you try to check these factors in their life to find the problem. I know it’s psychologists’ job but what if we play this game with various artificial clients?
I think this is the nature of marriage: to face conflicts. Controversy gives marriage the potential to serve as a structure for rebirth and transition