The connection between these two is mutual. Let’s elaborate on their connection.
1. Shame Rooted in Anger
Shame can sometimes arise from anger, particularly when someone acts out in a way that later leads to guilt or embarrassment.
- Example: If someone lashes out in anger and later realizes they hurt someone they care about, they may feel deep shame about their actions.
- This is common in individuals who struggle with emotional regulation, such as those with trauma histories or perfectionist tendencies.
2. Anger Rooted in Shame (More common)
More often, anger emerges as a defense mechanism against shame. When someone feels exposed, inadequate, or unworthy, they may react with anger to protect themselves.
- Example: A child scolded for making a mistake might feel ashamed and react by yelling or acting out instead of admitting they are hurt.
- This is often seen in people with avoidant attachment styles, who deflect shame by externalizing it.
Shame and Anger in Attachment Styles
Anxious Attachment → Shame is internalized, leading to self-blame and low self-worth.
Avoidant Attachment → Shame is externalized into anger, blame, or withdrawal.
Disorganized Attachment → Shame and anger fluctuate, leading to unpredictable emotional reactions.
